They say everything happens for a reason and that I do believe. For me it all happened about 7 years ago, at the time I was seeing a therapist and was on various medications, but in my mind neither was helping me to get better, the medication was making me like a zombie, and the therapist; well I was not making any progress with him.
I had always been a very shy sweet kid, who never spoke two words together, but as I grew up fear and negativity consumed me daily, what most people could do on a daily basis, like pay for things or answer the phone I was to afraid to do. Whenever the phone would ring, I would literally run away from it and say "I am not answering it" it was so bad that I would rather have starved then had to buy my own food, if someone came to the door I would run and hide in my room until they were gone. It was a vicious cycle, because I was so afraid to do things for myself, I would throw a tantrum, my parents would get so fed up with me that they would end up doing it themselves, so I never learned how to do the basic daily things until much later in my life.
Growing up I also had a lot of anger within me, as a teenager although, I was still the sweet kind shy kid out in public my family saw another side of me, I later came to realize it all came down to fear again, whenever I felt like I was being attacked I instinctively had to attack back, whether it be verbally and yes sometimes sadly even physically.
When I turned 18 my mother, my grandma, and my two brothers moved to Southern California. I was only there for a few months when I met a friend, who taught me about Meditation and the Power of the Mind. This one day as we were talking he said to me "I do not think you are depressed I just think you are sad," and he suggested I stopped taking my medication. he told me "You need Meditation not Medication" he also suggested that the reason I got into so many negative moods was because I wanted to, not because of some disorder the therapist said I had, at first I was taken back, and I told him 'No you are wrong I am depressed, the Doctor told me I had this disorder." But when I really thought about it I realized he was right although, I hated to admit it.
Over the next few months I learned that Meditation is very helpful in calming my mind as well as my body I learned when my body is out of balance that is when I tend to over react in a situation, where I feel like I am being attacked, but through daily Meditation I could and can keep my body in balance and then when put in a situation where I could either respond in love or anger, I choose love because I know I am not being attacked. With that said I slowly started to see the improvement in myself, of course there was moments when I was taking 1 step forward and then 2 steps back but I did see the improvement, I was becoming a much positive happier person. I was learning to take life one day at a time, to start fresh every day, if I slipped up oh well, I learned to not beat myself up about it. It was about realizing I made a mistake, apologizing to those I might have hurt, and learning to be in the moment.
Along with Meditation my friend taught me about the Law of Attraction and what we put our focus on whether it be negative or positive is attracted to us. I realized that I was putting so much focus on this disorder I supposedly had that it was hindering me from changing. That was when I started to grow and become a better me. I stopped blaming my negative moods and my fear of well, everything on this disorder I supposedly had, and took charge of my life and I realized it was true, I acted negative and like a brat based on fear, because I wanted to not because of this or that disorder.
As I was still afraid of well everything in my life, my friend had me do basically everything I bought the groceries I called up the utilities if there was an issue, I payed for and pumped the gas, whenever there was a moment when I was to afraid to do something and when I tried to get out of doing it my friend was always right there and he would just say, "I am going to sit here until you do it" now I can be pretty stubborn but he stuck in there till I gave in and did it by myself, and that is what I call tough love, at first everything he had me do was very hard I was not even sure I could do it but each time I did it it got easier and easier, and now many years later I do not even have to think about it, its just second nature to me. Now I have learned no matter what the fear is you just have to go and do it yes its going to be hard but as I know from personal experience it will and does get easier each time you do it, it really is just all in our minds. Its all about being consistent and doing it over and over and over again. So now I urge you to go out there and do it what ever it is you are afraid of, conquer it, believe me if I can do it so can you.
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